


Raw Footage

by Scullysfan



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, MSR, POV Third Person, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4859927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scullysfan/pseuds/Scullysfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally someone has proof Mulder and Scully are doing it during commercials.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Raw Footage

I see a lot of shit in this job. 

Working in television is exciting and glamorous. At least that's what I used to think, until I graduated from the University of Arkansas (Wooooooo. Pig. Soooie!) with a double degree in Film Production and Drama and headed off to Hollywood for the fame and fortune due me. 

Four years later and I still have the only job I could find then -- cutting and splicing miles of videotape to make drunks and junkies look like the baddest of boys, and overweight, out-of-shape cops run much faster than they really do. The work is tedious and repetitive. So's what I see. An endless parade of stupid kids   
doing stupid things, women abandoning their babies, and men beating their women. Viewers don't see the worst of it -- just the clips that'll make them feel better about themselves and those who promise to protect and serve. 

They don't see the fucked up cops -- the crazy ones who would probably be shoved behind bars themselves, if it weren't for that shiny piece of metal on their chests. 

But they will soon. Next up in a long line of quality FOX specials -- "World's Craziest Law Enforcement Officers Caught on Tape." I've been collecting outtakes from "Cops" for weeks, besides staying late and going through archived news tapes. Hey, it beats going home these days. 

I wish I'd remembered that last night, but it was Valentine's Day, and I thought things would be different. And I guess they were. Instead of me and Pete screaming like banshees at each other, I laid on the couch and ate the box of Russell Stover chocolates I bought myself -- because I knew he'd forget -- all while watching the digital clock on top of the television blink the passing of each minute I spent alone. Except some of the little red lights forming the numbers were out, so the display read 1:75 a.m. when I said "fuck it" and went to bed. 

When I woke up next it was to the feel of Pete lunging over the side of the bed and the sound of puke splattering on cheap linoleum. He flopped back down, and I briefly considered cleaning up his mess, but the thought of him sitting up and planting his feet in the middle of it gave me a perverse pleasure, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. 

Daylight and the smells of sweat and cheap perfume mixed with Aqua Velva got together and woke me for good this morning. Well, Pete's hand in my crotch might have had something to do with it, too. I forgot the vomit in my floor when he made my toes curl, which I suppose was the whole idea. 

I was in love again when I left for work. At least I thought so. If someone had asked me if I loved Pete, I would have said yes, though I'm not sure I've ever known why. Maybe that means I don't love him after all. 

I've always seen love as abstract, this intangible thing, never expecting it to be something one could pin down and say, "Hey! That's love -- right there, just like that!" 

 

Shoving another tape into the player and cueing up the footage, I table those thoughts for another solitary night spent waiting for Pete and wondering why he's out grabbing someone else's ass instead of mine. 

As the machine grinds and grates its way to "Play", I grab the full-size bag of low-fat, low-calorie Doritos I brought to serve as lunch, dinner, and the smoke breaks I used to take every two point three hours. Reading the bag I see I exchanged one warning label for another -- "warning: product contains Olestra which may cause cramping, diarrhea..." I pop a chip in my mouth and suck the cheesy orange from my fingers. Yeah, a night of the runs is a fair exchange for permission to eat an entire bag of chips guilt-free. 

Kicking back, I watch as the screen flickers to life and a leafy branch slaps the camera, and therefore me, square in the face. Such is to be expected with Bob at the helm. Other cameramen for the show do their job, and only their job. 

Not Bob. There's always time for a little extra impropriety in the middle of the "Cops" run and gun style of shooting. I haven't figured out why he does it -- he's not getting paid extra for shooting additional material. Maybe it's the thrill of the hunt, or maybe... maybe Bob's just an asshole. 

Whatever the reason, he's frighteningly good at filming cops at their worst, or their horniest, and he has been keeping me in good supply of footage for that upcoming "Caught on Tape" special. Which is what this tape is for, and since it features two of "Cops" most recent guest stars, it'll at least be entertaining in the weirdest sense of the word.

From the very start, Bob's ride-along with a rookie so new he still had his baby fat was bizarre. When filming L.A. cops, we've come to expect the unexpected, but running into the aftereffects of a monster that leaves claw marks longer than RuPaul's press-on nails was a new one. So were Agents Mulder and Scully from the F.B.I. in D.C. 

Things must be slow in the terrorism and kidnapping business if they let these two skulk through the dark, poke into bushes and argue over whether they were in search of a werewolf, alien, or Freddy Krueger. 

Which is what they were doing when Deputy Wetzel and a bunch of other cops responded to the call with Bob in tow. It was down Shit Hill from there. But despite Agent Mulder milking his fifteen minutes of fame for all it was worth and his partner's annoying habit of ducking behind doors and leaving Bob in a closet, I managed to put together a full episode. 

And this is my reward.

The camera is finally still so the picture is no longer my window into a pell-mell dash through the brush. Bob's huffing and puffing makes me think I should save the rest of these Olestra-laden chips for him, but I crunch another one into smithereens while straining to see what the camera is showing me. 

Bob's hiding place is too far away for me to hear what they're saying, but to be honest, some actions are more fun without words. 

It's dark where they're standing, save for one pee-yellow porch light casting a puny glow across the backyard of the crime scene. I recognize the house -- cops were crawling over it earlier looking for whatever the hell was terrorizing the junkies living there. Now it's just Big Beak and Red who obviously think they're alone. 

At first it's business at usual, I can tell. Red's waving her arms and planting her hands on her hips -- really giving him down the road. And Big Beak... well, he's standing there with the blankest expression on his face, just listening, or maybe he's not. Maybe he's waiting for her to take a breath, for a lull in the yammering. I saw all of this at least three times while editing. So I dig in the bag for another chip as I glance up expecting to see more of the same. 

Damn. 

I swing my legs off the desk, and there's a shattering crunch when my feet crush fallen, forgotten chips as I shove my face closer to the screen. 

Two federal agents just earned themselves a starring role in a FOX special. 

Squinting to make sure my eyes aren't playing me for a fool, I see Big Beak's expression has shifted, and I'd say it has something to do with the grip Red has on the front of his jeans. Oh, she's not taken up snake-handling... yet, but her fingers are curled around his waistband and from the tilt of her head and the threatening grin on her face, I'll bet she's gotten his attention this way a time or two. 

She doesn't have it for long before it's not enough, and Big Beak stumbles as she jerks him forward. Twisting her fist in the denim for leverage, she stands on her toes as her other hand yanks his head down to hers. Her damn mushroom-shaped hair is in the way, so I don't have a clear view of the kiss, but based on how he's humping her belly, I'd say it's nothing like the one I gave Cousin Jimmy Lee the last time I visited Arkansas. 

It seems Big Beak and Red don't hate each other after all. 

Big Beak's hands are fumbling underneath her leather jacket (How much are my tax dollars paying these feds anyway?!), and one heads north as the other dives south. Never having been a fan of the Spice Channel and its 50 Ways to Fuck Your Lover movie line-up, the twitch between my legs surprises me, but before I can consider locking the door and seeing it through, a startled grunt comes from behind the camera and we're off and running again. 

This time Bob remembers to turn off the camera during his flight to safety. I run the tape forward through the dead air between clips, shuffling my feet back and forth to sweep clear a spot of floor. When the tape is still going with no sign of a picture, I jab the play button, pissed that the big things Bob promised added up to just one clip. 

Unexpected voices cut into the silence and make me jump.

"... go home. There's nothing more for us to do here. Not that there ever was."

"Scully, there's an unidentified creature mauling people."

"That's why the LAPD is here. I heard them mention calling Animal Control... even the Department of Wildlife. We're in the way." 

Big Beak forces out a clipped huff, and I hear creaking leather and what sounds like drumming fingers. Still no video, but I'm beginning to get the picture. 

"It could be aliens, Scully... we're not all that far from Phoenix." 

"In Los Angeles?"

She'd better listen to him. If aliens are going to show up anywhere, it would be in Venice Beach. There's more leather noise, and suddenly her voice is much easier to hear. 

"What's taking that camera guy so long? And I still don't see why we've ended up with him in our backseat."

"Did you see what he ate earlier, Scully? I'd say it's in everyone's best interest if he stays in the restroom as long as possible."

Sounds like Bob found time for his favorite snack. Having been on the receiving end of those fumes, I understand why Big Beak's looking out for his nose.

Red's answering sigh is an exasperated one. Whether it's because she's bored or horny, I'm not sure. I hope I'm about to find out.

"Relax, Scu--"

"Relax? Mulder, I..." She's looking right at me. "Why'd he leave that camera in the back seat?"

"I don't wanna know what you think he'd do with a camera in the restroom." The seat shifts and Big Beak's voice flies in my direction. "Don't worry... the lens cap is on."

"Better be." 

"It is. Do you really think I'd do this if I thought we were being filmed?"

Bingo!

"Mulder, be careful. You still have grease on your hands from the fries... you get fingerprints on my new jacket and you'll pay."

"Gladly." 

"What are you doing?" Red's voice carries a distinct quiver.

"Trying to find somewhere else to put my hands."

"Mulder..."

The warning in her voice dies and for a few seconds all I hear is breathing. Loud breathing.

"How's this?"

"Umm... those are pretty good places... Mmm... maybe one could move lower."

The twitch is back. I cross my legs. 

"Here?" 

"Mulder, don't tease.. you know wha -- yessss."

The creaking of my chair keeps time with that of Red's seat until I hear a car door open and a whispered "fuck!" at the same time. Voices fill the air before Bob silences them all.

 

This is better than I ever expected. Until "Young Agents in Lust" came along, the most provocative clip I'd found was a highway patrolman taking a piss out his squad car door while doing eighty on I-75. Viewers will eat it up -- horny federal agents stealing minutes for groping and talking dirty. Milking it for every last drop   
of sleaze may just be my ticket out of here and up the studio dung heap. 

I'm imagining how the audio tracks would sound if I laid them over the first video clip when the screen flickers to life again. Audio and video both this time. 

Jackpot. 

At first I'm not sure where Bob and his camera are hiding. I can tell the space is dark, but there's light from a streetlight, I guess, mixing with the rising sun to shine on a patch of dirt and grass just a few feet away. Footsteps are thudding on asphalt and gravel, and an ambulance's siren starts up only to grow fainter. 

A wince and a thump, and suddenly someone is sitting on the ground about three feet from the camera. I can't see above the person's waist, but those short legs would have given Red away even without the "Scully?!" that came running from yards away. 

As Big Beak slides down in a spray of dirt and rocks beside her, I notice what is making his voice shake. Red's leather jacket isn't so perfect anymore -- a rip in the sleeve between her wrist and elbow means that cow died for nothing. She pushes the sleeve already shiny with blood out of the way, and I swear I hear her cluck her tongue in disgust, but maybe it was a subconscious cluck of empathy on my part. 

Damn. That sucker has to hurt. With her jacket and shirt sleeves out of the way, we all suck in our breath at the jagged gash slicing from the inside of her arm down and around to the outside. It's hard to tell how deep it is, with the camera under what I've decided must be a vehicle, and Big Beak's hands fluttering like a bird trying to find a place to land on nothing.

"Don't move, Scully -- I'm going to get them to call another ambulance." 

He scrambles to his feet, but she's quick. Her other hand reaches up and tugs on his jeans until he kneels in front of her again. She laughs for the first time tonight. I guess it's a laugh; maybe it's a chuckle. Whatever, I get the feeling she doesn't do it often, which might explain why it trembles. 

"No, Mulder, stop... it's not that bad. Pressure and a few steri-strips will take care of it." 

"No stitches? Are you sure..."

His voice drops to a whisper and disappears as his two hands cover hers over the cut. I still can't see them above chest level, but I can tell his head is bowed. Is he afraid to look away because the blood might all run out from between his fingers? 

Both his voice and his grip find strength, and when he speaks again, his hands tighten on hers until she pulls her hand out. 

"How did you do this, Scully?"

"It was stupid." She wiggles her fingers, testing to see if he broke them, I suppose. "I started around the corner of the -- "

"Put your hand back here a second." 

Her hand slips back into place as he reaches into his back pocket, leaving a dark, wet stain on his jeans, and pulls out several white hankies. Dropping them in her lap, he nudges her hand away and presses one to the wound. "Yeah, around the corner...?"

"...started around the corner, and I stepped on a rock or something. I raised my arm to grab my balance, then stumbled into the rain gutter. A piece of metal or nail was sticking out --"

"And it attacked you?" 

"Yeah."

He snatches a second hankie and adds it to the soaked first. Three hankies for one guy? How much snot does he have anyway? Red must be thinking the same thing when she picks up the third piece of cloth and waves it in his face. 

"Mulder, what's with the handkerchiefs?"

The cat's got his tongue for a while. 

"Mulder?"

"It's... it's a habit. Can't break it... I guess." Some kind of a laugh jerks out of him, but it sounds like a cough coming from a pneumonia-pained chest. "Over two years... I'm still..."

His words sputter out in bunches as he takes the last hankie and ties into the worst damn bandage I've seen since I wrapped Martha Faye Lane from head to toe in our Campfire Girls troop one summer.

Red must appreciate it though because she pets it. And maybe it's the words that make her voice shake. 

"Over two years of remission... and you're still afraid..."

She sighs and stops talking, but not touching him. My eyes can't see where her good hand is headed, but I imagine it just the same. Reaching up she strokes his cheek and holds her hand there as she stretches, twisting a little to kiss the other side of his face. The sound of lips twice meeting skin confirms it. 

His arms go around her then, not grabby and hot like before. This is gentle and... reverent, I guess. 

I'm wondering what that would feel like when they disappear and I'm staring at nothing. My face is hot at the idea of intruding on those last moments, the shame far greater than when I assumed they were just polishing the sheets like everyone else in this fake city is. 

But I know better now. 

That's why I eject the video and spend a few minutes of frenzied tape pulling until the garbage can looks like it's full of slithering brown snakes. I destroy Big Beak and Red fast before the prospects of pleasing the bastards upstairs gets the better of me and I sell my soul to get out of the valley.

I stare at the mess I've made, the chips littering the floor and the ribbon spilling over the side of the can to join them, and I remember thinking earlier that love has no shape -- that it can't be touched or seen. 

Except today... today I saw love's picture. 

 

I like to think I will go home tonight and kick Pete the hell out of my house, now that I know what love looks like. Pete and me... we're not it. 

But I won't.

I'll lie in bed and wait for Pete to come home, wait for him to fall on top of me and fuck me until my toes curl. 

I won't imagine for a second that Big Beak is doing the same to Red, and that the difference is in a stack of white hankies sitting in a suitcase by the side of the bed. 

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes -- First of all, yes, I took some creative liberties. *g* I realize that Scully's jacket was in fact *not* leather, but that was the wardrobe personnel's mix-up -- it should have been leather, dadgummit! ; ) And I also know that there was a sound man following the camera man, but SoundManGuy just wouldn't fit under the car in the last M&S clip, so... 
> 
> Nobody told me writing non-M&S POV fic was going to be addictive. 
> 
> Thanks first of all goes to Kris who supplied me with yet another set of story ideas which just happened to fit together to form a plot. I think this may be the beginning of another beautiful partnership for us. *g*
> 
> Thanks to Jill, Laney, and Lisa for thorough editing... Lisa especially for making me giggle myself silly while reading her beta notes. ; )


End file.
